YOU START OUT BRIGHT AND EARLY
HOPING TO MAKE IT ON TIME.
YOU'VE HEARD THE HORROR STORIES
OF PEOPLE CAMPING ALL NIGHT ON LINE.

AS YOU COME OUT OF THE SUBWAY,
AND ROUND THE CORNER TO BROADWAY,
THE SEA OF HUMANITY HITS YOU,
AND YOU REALIZE IT COULD TAKE ALL DAY
JUST TO GET INTO THE BUILDING -
YOU HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY!

SO YOU TRY THE EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE; -
YOU SAY TO THE GUARD - "I'M AN ATTORNEY YOU SEE -
I KNOW THAT LINE ON BROADWAY COULDN'T BE MEANT FOR ME!"
" BUT YOU'RE NOT AN EMPLOYEE EITHER, SO YOU BETTER BE ON YOUR WAY.
GO TO THE BACK OF THAT LINE - AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!"

YOU TRUDGE ON OVER TO WORTH STREET TO TRY YOUR LUCK
WITH THE GUARD OVER THERE.
" I'M AN ATTORNEY WITH AN APPOINTMENT
AND THIS PROCESS IS REALLY UNFAIR!"
THE GUARD SAYS, - "IF YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY
I NEED TO SEE YOUR ATTORNEY ID."
AND YOU SAY- "THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AND I NEED TO GET UPSTAIRS, YOU SEE."
" IF YOU DON'T HAVE IDENTIFICATION, PAL, I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME.
NOW GO BACK ON OVER TO BROADWAY AND GET ON THE BACK OF THAT LINE!"

YOUR TEMPER IS STARTING TO FLARE AND YOUR NEW ARMANI
SUIT IS NOW WRINKLED.
THE PERSPIRATION IS BEADING ON YOUR FOREHEAD
AND YOUR BROW IS FURLED AND CRINKLED.
YOU SAY TO YOURSELF,- "WHAT WOULD AN F. LEE BAILEY OR
JOHNNY COCHRAN DO?"
WHEN A LITTLE VOICE TELLS YOU, - "TAKE OUT THE
APPOINTMENT NOTICE THEY SENT YOU, YOU FOOL!"

THE APPOINTMENT NOTICE SPECIFICALLY SAYS TO USE THE LAFAYETTE ENTRANCE.
SO YOU RUN TO THAT DOOR WITH A SPRING IN YOUR STEP AND A RENEWED SENSE OF CONFIDENCE.

BUT YOU FIND YOUR NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE QUICKLY BEGINS TO ERODE,
WHEN THE GUARD SAYS - "YOU'RE ONLY THE ATTORNEY?"
NOW YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO EXPLODE!
" THE ORIGINAL NOTICE WAS SENT TO YOUR CLIENTS, SO YOU
NEED THEM TO GET IN AT THIS DOOR."
AND YOU SCREAM - "BUT I'VE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE-I
SAID I'D MEET THEM ON THE 11TH FLOOR!"

YOU'RE NOW ON THE VERGE OF CONSIDERING A RATHER HEFTY SUM AS BRIBERY,
WHEN A FEDERAL PROTECTIVE OFFICER SAYS, -
" YOU REALLY KNOW THE ART OF KNI VERY!"
I SAW YOU FIRST ON BROADWAY, THEN ON WORTH, NOW LAFAYETTE -
YOU'RE THE MOST RESOURCEFUL ATTORNEY I'VE SEEN HERE YET!"
HE SAYS TO THE GUARD, - "JUST THIS ONCE YOU CAN LET HIM IN.
BUT MAKE A NOTE OF HIS NAME IN CASE HE COMES THIS WAY AGAIN!"

YOU'RE SO HAPPY TO BE IN THE BUILDING YOU DON'T PAY
MUCH NOTICE TO HIS VEILED THREAT.
YOU'RE ALREADY TIRED AND YOUR WORK FOR THE DAY
HASN'T EVEN BEGUN AS YET.
YOU RUN UP TO THE 11TH FLOOR - THE ADJUSTMENT OF STATUS
SECTION - AND THERE'RE YOUR CLIENTS.
THEY APPEAR TO BE STARING AT YOU WITH A LOOK OF PURE DEFIANCE.
" OUR APPOINTMENT WAS FOR 7:30 AND IT’S 8:00 AM, YOU KNOW.
THEY ALREADY CALLED OUR NAME AND NOW WE HAVE TO
WAIT ANOTHER HOUR OR SO!"

"I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY, BUT I HAD TROUBLE GETTING
INTO THIS EDIFICE."
AND THEY'RE THINKING TO THEMSELVES - OH GREAT - THIS IS
WHO WE'RE PAYING TO REPRESENT US?!!

YOU TELL THEM YOU HAVE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT ON THE
12TH FLOOR.
IT'S FOR 8:30 SO THIS SHOULD WORK OUT,
SINCE THEY HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER HOUR OR MORE.

SO IT'S NOW UP TO EOIR YOU GO - ONLY TO FIND THIS CLIENT
CRYING,
TRYING TO CONVINCE THE JUDGE THAT HE REALLY WASN'T
LYING!

"COUNSELOR, I'M AFRAID THAT I JUST ORDERED YOUR CLIENT DEPORTED.
IF YOU WERE HERE ON TIME SOME OF THE ALLEGATIONS MIGHT HAVE BEEN SUPPORTED!"
" BUT I WAS HERE ON TIME," YOU RETORT, "HIS HEARING IS SET FOR 8:30 AM!"
" SORRY COUNSELOR", SAYS THE JUDGE, "BUT YOU BETTER LOOK AT THAT NOTICE AGAIN.
THE APPOINTMENT WAS FOR 7:45 AND HE WAITED TWO YEARS FOR THIS HEARING TO COMMENCE, SO HE DECIDED TO PROCEED WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR ARTICULATE DEFENSE!"
I SUGGEST YOU NOW SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CLIENT ANY MORE GRIEF.
I'LL GIVE YOU 30 DAYS TO PREPARE AND SUBMIT YOUR BRIEF!

YOU CALM YOUR CLIENT DOWN SOMEWHAT BEFORE HE GOES ON HIS WAY,
AND FOR YOU IT'S BACK DOWN TO THE 11TH FLOOR
TO SEE WHAT MORE IS IN STORE ON THIS DAY.

YOUR CLIENTS RUN UP TO YOU SAYING -
" THEY CALLED OUR NAMES AGAIN WHILE YOU WERE AWAY!
OUR BABYSITTER'S WAITING AND WE DIDN'T WANT TO BE
HERE ALL DAY.
SO WE SIGNED A WAIVER STATING WE'D GO ON WITHOUT YOU ANYWAY."

"WELL, NOW THAT YOU HAD YOUR INTERVIEW", YOU SAY "TELL ME, HOW DID IT GO?"
" WELL WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR YOU, ‘CAUSE, WELL YOU KNOW, THE OFFICER ASKED US SOME QUESTIONS AND IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO DECIDE -
SHE SAID WE'D BE GETTING A NOTICE THAT OUR CASE IS BEING DENIED!"

"THAT'S CRAZY!" YOU RUN TO THE COUNTER CLERK AND SAY, - "I DEMAND TO SEE A SUPERVISOR NOW, STRAIGHTAWAY!"
" I'M SORRY SIR", THEY'RE ALL IN A MEETING AND THEY SAID IT WOULD TAKE ALL DAY.
SO GO AHEAD AND TELL ME WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE GOING TO SAY."
" MY CLIENT'S CASE WAS JUST DENIED AND I MUST SAY THAT I FEEL….
" EXCUSE ME, COUNSELOR, BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS AIN'T EXACTLY THE COURT OF APPEALS.
JUST FILE YOUR MOTION NOW WITHIN THE ALLOTTED TIME, BUT REMEMBER OUR PROCESSING TIME IS JUST A LITTLE BIT BEHIND."

"WELL, TELL ME, MADAM, JUST HOW LONG DOES A DECISION ON A MOTION TAKE?"
" OH, TWO OR THREE YEARS TIME, GIVE OR TAKE."
" TWO OR THREE YEARS TIME?! THIS PLACE IS RIDICULOUS AND NEVER SUBLIME.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME MY CLIENT CAN'T HAVE EMPLOYMENT AUTHORIZATION ALL OF THAT TIME?"
" THAT'S RIGHT, COUNSELOR, WHICH ALSO MEANS YOU'LL NEVER COLLECT A DIME!"

IT'S NOW ONLY 9:30 AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LOSING CONTROL.
YOU STILL HAVE TO GO TO ROOM 8-100 AND PICK UP AN
EMERGENCY ADVANCE PAROLE.
THEN IT'S BACK TO THE OFFICE TO START PREPARING THE BRIEF AND THEN THE MOTION.
YOU'RE BEGINNING TO THINK YOU'LL NEED AN ASSISTANT TO
HELP YOU WITH ALL THIS COMMOTION.
BUT THAT'S MORE OVERHEAD EXPENSE AND YOU ALREADY
OWE NUMEROUS STUDENT LOANS....
YOUR THOUGHTS ARE THEN INTERRUPTED BY THE RINGING OF YOUR CELLPHONE.

IT'S YOUR OFFICE - AT 10:30 YOU'RE DUE IN FEDERAL COURT.
YOU PROMISED TO FILE THAT MANDAMUS - AND DON'T FORGET THE TORT!!

AS YOU STAND THERE YOU SAY TO YOURSELF:: THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A LECTURE I MISSED,
BECAUSE NOTHING I LEARNED IN LAW SCHOOL
EVER PREPARED ME FOR THIS!!!